A little problematic

A few weeks ago I received from BP commissioned to repair the leaking hole of the platform Deepwater Horizon. When asked just why I was chosen for it, I got in response: "Well, you have the two most important things: A young swimmer badges and and the giant army knives." Fact! The very next day I was on my way to Louisiana, but already at the airport waiting for me the first problem: more than 20kg luggage cost extra, and in hand luggage are arms not allowed with special permission; especially since the knife would anyway not fit in the overhead compartment. In addition, it was quite complicated to disable all electronic components of the knife before checking. Even more difficult was the reactivation, since the activation codes are in the instructions for each on pages 94, 311, 804, 4,633, 7,091 and 11,285. Had that can not print on a page?
Eventually, I came upon several detours actually at the crash site, and after I have been thoroughly checked (checking the title deed of Army Knife and youth swimmers badge) I set to work. I activated the pressure equalization unit and the heat supply of the knife and combined this with my wetsuit. This combination should be possible, according to instructions depths up to 2,000 meters, but I felt even at 1,300 meters a slight itching in the left foot.
Finally I reached the well in 1,500 meters depth, thanks to high-performance headlamps and Aqua nozzles control the knife no problem. But down there I experienced the second major disappointment: The blowout preventer (knives feature # 298.) Was damaged, and instead improvised use of the corkscrew proved more than troublesome. Nevertheless, I succeeded after half an eternity (at least three minutes) to reduce the discharge pressure. Now I had only the welding Abdichtaufsatz. Now I suffered the bitterest disappointment: The torch does not generally under water, and a tightening wanted despite the range of 36 different screwdrivers do not work simply.
The application had to be stopped. I only received an allowance instead of the promised success at $ 100,000 and had me on the way home again when you check in at the airport bother.
Conclusion: For lighter tasks such as the assembly of nuclear reactors, the defense of air-to-surface missiles, or communicating with the dead, the giant army knives is perhaps useful, but after that it ends there.