Translation quality

I bought the French Lappel cuckoo. It contains at the end of the first two chapters next novel, The silkworm, by a different translator, that jappellerai X. Curious by nature and former head of a service employees editors-translators technical and commercial texts, I have also bought this latest novel in English, The Silkworm. When I am able to read it, I always prefer the original. I also wanted to check the quality of the translation.
Here is the second paragraph of loriginal:
The large unshaven man tramping through the darkness of pre-dawn, With His phone clamped to His ear, grinned.
Here is the translation word for word, by me:
"The big unshaven guy walking heavily through the darkness above laurore, with his phone stapled to his ear, smiled broadly. "
And this of X:
"It was still dark. The phone stuck to his unshaven cheek, Strike walking his imposing figure through the streets of London. The output of the speaker snatched a smile. "

First of all note that the sentence of 18 words long, Mrs. Rowling, was cut into three. Ms. Rowling nhésite not write very long sentences. For example, flipping her latest Harry Potter deathly hallows The, one falls at the end of chapter 14, on a sentence that begins: "The man at Whom He Was pointing": 68 words. At the end of chapter 16, another that begins: "He let 'em fall, His lips pressed": 71 words. In the middle section 23, a sentence that begins: "Hermioness screams echoed off the walls upstairs": 81 words. Finally, at the beginning of the fourth chapter, "Harry led them all back into the kitchen": 136 words! Long sentences are part of Ms. Rowling's style, they have not prevented him from selling his works dexemplaires million. But for the French players, 18 words, this is too much, take his chopper and cutting in three pieces, otherwise they may sempêtrer in subordinate

Note then that the author has not seen fit oIdentify nor the character nor the place where it is located. The character's name is already in the previous sentence, and the place will be deducted later. But to simplify the task of the French player, X inserted "Strike" and "London". Sliding the phone up to ear cheek. And this is the play that is unshaven, not the man. And the man walking silhouette instead of plodding along as it is dune amputated leg below the knee, he has a prosthesis, which is why it lourdement- on. And then corrects the metaphor: Strike no longer walk through the darkness, he walks through the streets.

After the dialogue, Rowling wrote:
"The slight unevenness In His gait Became more pronounced as he Walked down the slope Towards Smithfield Market" or in word-for-word, "The slight irregularity of his steps became more pronounced WHEN IT walked down the slope to Smithfield Market. X, he wrote: "When he sengagea the street that rose to Smithfield Market." Curious. Between the publication of loriginal and that of his translation, he had to produce an earthquake in London, and coming down the street, back now.

What dinfidélités to loriginal in phases, this prevented from continuing my reading this translation end. Jai done well to buy the original.